Just Need a Moment...

I want to start by saying this has some heavy feelings of mine, so if you don't want to read "feelings", then you may skip this post! ;-) These are raw feelings.  I'm not sharing these to make people feel guilty or bad.  I think we (myself included) need a reminder of thinking about others and the experiences they may be going through and just give them time.

I have been listening to the audio version of Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist.  It has been given mixed review of the best book people have read down to one star rating. I haven't quite finished it, but it is certainly hitting the heartstrings today.  I think if you can relate to the bittersweet life experiences she has had, it draws you into the book more.  I really enjoy her voice reading the book as well. The book synopsis is working through life's struggles and how we face them.

One particular section of the book is about just needing a moment.  The experience she shares was a time when she was with her friends at a wedding.  It was a great time with lots of dancing, fun, food, and laughter.  One of her friends was having a great time at the wedding, but at one point she went outside the dancing hall and had to cry.  She just needed to release her feelings of pain of being at the wedding.  Then, she came back in, ready to join the fun again.

Do you experience a "just need a moment" at times.

Are you wanting to get married and just can't find the one, so every time you hear about an engagement or attend a wedding it stings a little, and you just need a moment?

Are you asked after you are married, when are you having kids, when it isn't in your plans or just the opposite it is a plan that isn't going the way you thought it would, and you just need a moment sometimes?

Are you going through super hard financial times, and one thing after another makes you feel like you are never going to get ahead?  Then you hear from your friends about their latest plans for a vacation or how great a vacation they had, and you feel the sting?

Maybe they flash pictures on social media of their new, beautiful home, and you just need a moment, before you join them in conversation about their amazing chapter in their life.

Or did you lose a loved one, and when you see families together, people spending time with their parents/grandparents, and it stings a little and you just need a moment, because you are missing that special someone in your life?

Maybe you have a sick loved one and all you want to do is feel normal again as you watch all your friends and family getting to do what they want to do?  Take a moment.

I think we can all relate in some way of just craving a moment.

As many you know, Josh and I would love to have our own biological child.  For some reason, this just hasn't worked out for us. Yes, we have two amazing children in our lives that bring us joy and happiness, but when people have a new baby and make a comment such as, "He looks just like his dad!" or "She is a great mix of both of you!"  You hear others share about how amazing it is to look in the eyes of your newborn, knowing you created this beautiful life, it can hurt a little.
When I'm invited to a baby shower or see on social media about a baby announcements, this can sting a little for me, and I just need a moment.  I am happy and excited for them, but truth be told, sometimes I can be resentful and mad. I'm human...these are real feelings.  So, if I don't respond right away to you or it isn't the reaction you were hoping for, remember to give me a moment. I'll be back to celebrate with you.

 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. - Romans 12:15

We don't know everyone's story. Try to refrain from asking others: When are you getting married? When are you have kids? Isn't it about time for another one?  Are you ever going to find someone? Why don't you just take a vacation? It doesn't cost that much, does it?
Sometimes we just like to tell others statements as well:  Don't stress about it, it will happen during the right, time...It will get better...Things could be worse...Be grateful for what you do have...Remember you have all those great memories of your loved one..etc.

Instead my advice is to listen, embrace, and love!

For those of you who feel the longing for just a moment.  Take it!  Let your heart feel.  Then, you can be ready to embrace life again.

This, my friends, is life - so just take a moment! 💓

A New Year

As a new year has begun everyone seems to have goals they want to achieve.  I don't normally do resolutions because I fail at them miserably. I have great intentions with them, but I just can't quite do the follow through. I like to focus on a word for the year.  I was throwing around a phrase, but I keep coming back to BALANCE.

I started to work on this last year, but as the year went on I began to feel overwhelmed with everything I was trying to do.  These are some things I hope to find balance with this year.

More time intentionally focused on the kids, and less time with distractions.

More time reading the Bible,and less time reading useless stuff on my phone.

More time listening to others, and less time interrupting others with interjections in the conversation.

More purchasing of Fair Trade items, and less spending on items that may not treat their workers with dignity and respect.

More time educating myself on topics that matter to me, and less time feeling like I need to tackle the world.

More time being me, and less time worrying about what others think.


This phrase as well...

Yes, I can take time for self-care, and yes, I can still be a good mom.

Anyone else struggle with "mom-guilt"?  I have a hard time going for a run or taking an hour to myself here or there when I know the kids are home.  Or when I walk in the door from work and it looks like a tornado came through, and I barely have the energy to make supper, spend some time with the family, and get some work done before the next day.

When I do take time for self-care though, I'm finding I'm actually being a better mom because I'm not feeling as stressed and overwhelmed.

BALANCE!

So help me out!  Keep me accountable and call me out on these if you want.  It helps to have support and encouragement.

My plan is to share more on this blog this year, especially about topics that are my passion.  I hope you enjoy reading them. Here we go...

2018 Reflection - Stronger

Today, I thought I'd do a quick yearly reflection.  My word last year was "stronger."  I had set some lofty goals for myself, and even though I may not have reached them all, I feel like I am stronger in the areas I wanted to improve.

Physically: 

My goal this year was to run a half marathon and reach 1,000 miles. 

In 2018 I completed:

6 - 5K  road races

1 - 5K trail race

1 - 4 mile race

1 - half marathon

I didn't reach the 1,000 mile goal. I got sciatica bad in the spring and took 2 weeks off of running. I ran out of "gas" in December, very low miles.  I was completely drained, and I got sick twice. As I type this, I'm dealing with an injured foot and no voice for 3 days now.  I'm still proud to say that I ran 893 miles! This will be my goal again next year!

Even though it is still challenging, I have maintained my weight goal.  I still enjoy my sweets, just not as much.  I haven't cut anything out of my eating habits completely, which is why WW works for me.  (If you ever have any questions about it or interested in WW, let me know.) 

Spiritually:

I read 5 books this year.  I was hoping to read 5 books from the UMW list, but it didn't happen.  I will set this goal again for next year. I also participated in Dressember again this year.  It really changes my focus on the end of the year and what is really important. 

Mentally and Emotionally: 

I completed the grad class that I had in my plans for the year.  Emotionally it was a tough year for me.  This fall I dealt with some strong anxiety.  Due to seeking help from therapy, I was able to get myself back on track with a good mindset.  It still is something I deal with, but for now I'm handling it well.  I also ended the year doing a 90 day challenge.  I wrote down 10 specific things I was grateful for each day in a journal.  This really helped me before I went to sleep with positive thoughts.  This will be a habit I will continue.  

2018 was a roller coaster year, but I wouldn't change it.  It has pushed me in many ways and made me a stronger person.  Toast to a new year!

I'm ready to take on 2019 with a new word...how about you?  

First Half Marathon Reflections

My journey of 15 months has been an adventure - from doing no activity to running a half marathon.  I never would have dreamed of it, when I started my running journey again. I started my half marathon training around February. I had two weeks off  due to back problems, but I was able to pull through it and move along.

As the race week approached, I was dealing with a lot of outside stress, and I wasn't sure how rested I would be for the race. My training worked, and  I completed my first half marathon.  It was a bumpy start that day.  A bad thunderstorm rolled in, and I thought for sure we would be delayed a lot or reschedule.  We were bused to the start, and they allowed us to stay on the buses until the weather let up.  The race was only delayed by 15 minutes, and we were off.  It was such a powerful experience.

I thought I would post a list of 10 thoughts about training and the half marathon race.

1.  Thanks to my brother for mentioning to me the last time we went to visit, "Have you every thought of doing a half marathon?"  I had the thought of it before, but no one really confirmed for me that they thought I could do it.

2. Training takes a lot of time!  A shout out to my husband for holding down the fort, when I went for my runs.  :-)  He never complained once about me going for a run, and he always was the one to push me out the door when I was dragging my feet. 

3. Running is a stress relief.  I find that it is just as beneficial for physical health, as it is for mental/emotional health.  I did a lot of self-talk in my head on my runs.

4.  I learned how to run without headphones.  At first I found it super challenging.  Now I never run with them.  It allows me to clear my mind. 13 miles gives a lot of time for thoughts. 😊

5.  Thanks goes out to all my running friends!  They were motivators!  On those days that I didn't want to get out of bed or those late nights, their encouraging words got me through those workouts. 

6.  Trust your training!  I only ran 3 days during the week, and one long run on the weekends.  I did some weights (but not a lot due to my back issues) and some cross training.  I think hill work helped as well. 

7. Running with a lot of people is a huge motivator.  It kept me going as I focused on the runners in front of me.

8.  Thank you, thank you to the water/drink stops along the way.   They were all along the course cheering you on and offering fluid.  I was so thankful every time I arrived at one. The signs were a lot of fun to read.  One of my favorites at 1.5 miles in, "If you pass out, I will pause your Garmin!" 

9.  The last 2.5 miles for me was rough!  I imagine it was due to my first race and figuring it all out.  I set a goal for myself to break two hours (I knew I shouldn't have done that for my first race), but it pushed me.  My 10th mile I felt like a turtle moving.

10.  The last mile felt robotic.  It is super hard to explain.  In my head I kept thinking, "Are my legs really rotating like I'm running?"  When I crossed the line, all I could say was: thank goodness that is over. This may have been one and done for me. ha!  Now, I am considering running it again next year.


I've taken some rest this week.  My plan is to improve on my 5k time this summer and possibly do a 10k.  I want to go run just for fun for a bit!  Now off to sign up for some 5ks. :D

Earth Day

I much prefer running in the country, than I do in town due to a lot of factors: road slope, dogs, cars, dogs, just houses, did I mention dogs. (haha!) So I have this route that I take out of town around the cemetery to get more miles in outside of town. It has a nice hill incline to it as well, to get some hill work done. I thought the first couple of weeks of running it, I wasn't going to make it, but it has become my friend now.  Along the way, I have noticed in the ditches trash, I mean a lot of trash! In fact, on Saturday morning there was a half drank bottle of Pepsi in the road.  Every time, I run it and think to myself, "I need to come clean this up!"  Yet, the next time I run it, it is still there.  

Saturday, I thought tomorrow, Earth Day, will be the perfect day to get some garbage cleaned up with the kids. So we went with garbage bags and gloves in toe.  At first there wasn't a lot, but as we went along the kids began to find a lot of trash, in particular, a lot of alcohol bottles.  They just couldn't understand why so many people felt the need to throw the trash out the window of their vehicle when they are so close to town and a garbage can.  

We were about halfway through, when I think the part that made the most impact of the journey happened.  Each of us had a bag: two bags for recycling and one bag for garage.  My son was wandering ahead of us as he was just trying to find the bottles, making a little game out of it, but realizing he had a lot to do.  He sat down along the ditch near the field.  I asked him, "Why are you sitting down?  Are you tired?" He responded, "This makes me really sad!" I said, "This makes me sad, too."

We only got one part of the road up to the cemetery done and filled up three bags.  The kids were worn out, and I was ready to head home.  Josh came and picked us up, so we could get the bags home. Our daughter was concerned about the rest of the road that I run along.  I told her when we get another nice weekend free, we can finish up that part of the road, too. 

I'm curious to see when I go for my next run out that way, how much trash has accumulated since we picked it up.  It just bothers me so much, when we can easily take our to-go containers, cups, bottles, food wrappers, etc to the nearest garbage.  Every gas station I've been to has garbage cans right at the pump. 

How do we change people's behaviors?  I don't know that I have the answer.  I am going to make sure that our two know how to care for God's earth and what we can do to make positive changes.  Today is a minor action, but I think it was deeper than 3 bags of trash.  It was filled with reflection, family time, enjoying the outdoors, and we realized how 1 hour can make a small difference.  

Update on 2018 goals

I thought I would check in as we are a quarter of the way through the year, and I need accountability on my goals I set for 2018. 

Physically:

I was doing really well training for the half marathon.  I was up to 8 miles a couple of weeks ago.  I had a slight set back the last couple of weeks with sciatica pain.  Just over the last couple of days, I have started to jog slowly again.  I think I need to adjust my training some and get more cross training of yoga and biking in on alternate days. Anyone want to help keep me accountable to doing yoga more?  May 12th will be here soon! Maintaining my weight is harder than losing the weight.  I knew it would be a challenge.  I'm still eating a balanced diet, but it can be really hard.  It will be a lifetime of focus.

Spiritually:

This is one area I need to work on yet.  I am reading a book currently titled, Girl Wash Your Face: Stop Believing in the Lies About Who You Area so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be by Rachel Hollis. I am really enjoying it so far, and it is calling me out on somethings that I could work on personally.  I'm looking forward to sharing about the book, when I'm done.

Mentally and Emotionally:

This one can be rocky and up and down for me.  I need some sunshine and warmer weather!  I registered for a grad class focused on vocabulary in the classroom.  This is an area that I could work on in my teaching.  I'm looking forward to learning new strategies and ideas.

The towel on the floor...

See there always seems to be a towel left on the bathroom floor.  There is a hook on the wall about two feet away, but the towel just can't seem to make it all the way there. ;-)  Even with encouraging words and reminders, it just seems to find its own place on the floor.  I've let it bother me lately.  I may trip over it, and I say a few words. In the mornings I'm grumbling as I make my way to my blow dryer and straightener to try to make something out of the mop on my head. After the kids go to bed I look at it as I pass down the hallway saying, "Why can't they just hang up that towel!"

Then it hit me last night... It's just a towel!  Really that's all it is. I picked it up off the floor and hung it up on the hook, and as my hand let go of the towel a flood of emotions came over me.  Instead of being angry that the towel has been left on the floor, my heart turned to the blessings that this towel reminds me of in our lives.  Our house 5 years ago was graced with our first youth in our home, and it has been filled with ups and downs since.  This towel, reminds me of the laughter and giggles we have when we have tickle battles.  This towel, reminds me of our simple, but yet fun day trips we take together to create lasting memories.  This towel, reminds me of the conversations we have with each other as we sit at the table each night to have supper and ask each other, "How was your day?" This towel, reminds me of the simplicity of being a kids. This towel, reminds me of the blessings we have for our health and lives.  This towel, reminds me I need to not stress so much over the small things and live in the moments we have.  Because one day, I won't be picking up this towel, and I will miss it!